reason interruptus

Life is different since the last posting. Minus German husband. Everything has been really quite ordinary.
From the german husband's delusional obsession with the living doll Korean homestay student, to the admissions of same said german husband of systematic cruelty for years, etc. etc.
Designed to hurt of course. And absolutely hit the target - bullseye.
I was swiped, wiped and more. Which is so very strange as the marriage was a complete disaster.
And a disaster from very very early stages. Five years of complete alone-ness; physically, emotionally, intimacy.
Those who haven't been in an abusive relationship ask "why did you stay?" Those who have been, don't.
It's far, far too early to feel "better" and that "things are for the best". It's not early enough to be aware of the people who choose sides and exact betrayal.
I've always wondered about betrayal. Is it the grand delusion carried out by those who would deflect from their own tarnish? Turn the glinting spotlight onto a trapped, vulnerable rabbit. Haul it's trembling hapless little carcass onto the shiny steel for a spot of brutal vivisection. Oooops: no anaesthetic? Why bother. Kindliness isn't high on the list of the Brutus branch of the RSPCA.
No new news here for those who have trodden this very weary path.
Worse: the refuge of dignity is denied. I've rarely been one of those who can summon up retreat into dignified silence. Given a choice between dignity and squealing; i squeal. Loudly, badly.
One has a lot of not sleeping time along with an equal amount of brain in mindless ruminating motion time.
For some reason however; when the german moved the object of 2nd obsessional desire into to his quarters in the shed, common sense kicked in and i realised that karma is right. Living, sleeping, working in a small industrial/commercial premises shed with no washing facilities, no kitchen, no natural daylight with a very young backpacker....well.......
the bookies paid up.
I can't say i am filled with joy about my life. But i can say i know it is better. I don't "feel"
the better yet - but it's coming.
This is such a dull post i've not managed to think of one, just one, inventive link. That is not strictly true - i've thought of a lot; however they're not dignified. Cruelly funny, just not nice.
Best left.
Perhaps next time