the Belief Thing or i'm a pain in the arse consensus

A day doesn't go by without some moments being involunatarily devoted to the great conundrum. Faith. Belief. What's it all for. Ego. Buddhism. Conventional religious dogmas.

How most play havoc and demand complete absolution of the individual spirit. That's the ego bit - and not a bad concept on it's own....

How the collection of stories in the books of religion are hermetically sealed from open and fruitful examination.

How an annecdote passed around a group of friends and small community changes from one person to the next and is accepted as "gossip"...how media reports which demand our respect as "truth" are often nothing more than opinion pieces.

And how is this any different from the many versions of each formal religion or spiritual dogma collection of writings that had their birth thousands and thousands of years ago.

I am no different from the vast majority of people i know... in that my inner self has not stopped seeking "an answer". I practically beg for a neatly packaged answer to life, death, the universe, cruelty, inhumanity, selfishness to be dropped into my pysche and wham: i'm attached. Done. The quest is over. The whole shebang is solved.

The way forward to the end of my life is neatly sorted. Like the birthday pressie. Something good yet to come, that will make the wait oh so worth while.

But i perpetually come unstuck. And here's why. It's the inevitable question thing that drives all my friends and new acquaintances completely and utterly demented. "Pain in the arse"...."incredibly intense"....."just stop"......

There is now uncontrovertable and overwelming scientific evidence that the timelines denoted in the major books of formal religions describing the birth of the universe and man is wobbly, imaginative and designed to provide a good read easy to digest for the vast populaces.

Unless you're like my mammy who thinks any and all of this is a total conspiracy and work of the "devil". A lot of these people in the world too. Fear. that's what i call that. Fear that close examination and robust debate will throw up a fishing net of gaping holes and all those little fishes will swim free.
Any belief system which can not and will not tolerate open, confronting, intellectual examination and uses in its defense "faith must believe completely and put aside human weakness. Because that is the "sinfulness" of man.....to try and defend the rational, thinking gift..." well.....i just can't go there.

I accept the core mystery of, for example, the "love" factor. The scientific research community will blow that mystery out of the water however. They will provide a minutely detailed step by step set of pointers. The final "boom" might still elude me, but those flashing neon signs will be based in proven theory. I'm talking the scientific theory: a proven set of reasons for "why is this so".....

On the same basis i accept that scientific endeavours to find out what and where are the outer reaches of our universe and what's beyond go significantly towards understanding the beginning of life. (but not all. I do wonder how anyone ever will manage to explain rationally, that we the simple folk can understand too, how did the very first begin? Give me that, and i'll stop looking for faith. but in the meantime, can i let go of this need?)

I also accept that i DO want a belief system that will make easy sense of my own life and the whole damn thing.

And that at some point then , if that is my heartfelt desire, then i shall probably have to let go of my driving quest to have an answer to all the big questions. Because, quite simply I don't know and i'm not that smart to make sense of the convoluted big guns in existence theory, quantum physcis, black matter, etc.

This is where i just come undone. How can i proceed forward with any degree of respect for any dogma which demands complete, unquestioning belief in the fundamentals of the tenets of belief that have been patently fiddled with, tweaked, adapted and edited into a palatable collection of fables and annecdotal accounts around a series of factual events - which by the way, happened, depending on whom your listening to, with up to a couple of hundred years difference.

How can i possibly embrace any religious belief system which demands absolute abeyance of and in fact decries human endeavours of intellectual reassurance and comfort.

How can i possibly embrace any religious belief system which demands unquestioning and complete acceptance as "absolute truths" of written stories presented as literal and exact absolutes which for the most are accepted by even these religious own hierarchal theologians as heavily edited, chronologically inaccurate parables and annecdotes which have been carefully chosen and massaged by successive religious fathers to best present that belief systems fundamental tenets of faith in order to keep the general populace in a manageable state with carefully delivered kernels of hope to sustain populations of the past through some pretty grim times of poverty, war, wasteland, vicious and cruel metres of justice.

Buddhism comes closest. It is my ego that brings me undone. Every day, in every way. It has caused me to lie, to short cut, to deceive myself, to be rude, arrogant, unkind, uncaring, with a lack of care and foresight to those around me. Too little do i ask and then abide by this simple question...."how do i wish to be treated? Then do that for everyone else" There is just the wee issue of no drink and no killing....there are some joys in life like french champagne and death to all toads! ouch!

Here endeth today's personal rant. It's a groundhog thing. As i said. Tomorrow i'll do this again. But not here. Once is more than enough you patient patient person if you're still here.